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Why isnt it January yet?? [Oct. 30th, 2006|03:50 pm]
[mood |stressedstressed]
[music |White Lines and Lipstick - A Change Of Pace]

Yeah, so I'm just a little upset and I felt like posting. Between coming closer to being fired than I ever wanted, to feeling extremely lef tout in terms of the whole Halloween thing, this is looking to be a pretty shitty week. God, and it's only Monday! It really needs to hurry up and be Friday. Friday will be awesome! Friday will make the entire week worth it!

It's interesting. I moved down here because I thought my closest friends were in MD and that they would always want to spend time with me to catch up on all of the lost time from the past three years. It turns out though, that they have their own things going on and dont always want to include me in them. Normally that wouldnt bother me. I dont always mind being on my own. But now, I dunno...

All right, enough of this feeling sorry for my self. I'm gonna get back to work.
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Seven Months [Oct. 16th, 2006|04:53 pm]
[mood |gratefulgrateful]
[music |Sister Golden Hair - America]

What was supposed to be a celebration of Grad School achievement and seven months of a wonderful relationship didn't quite happen the way it was supposed to. And even though my ineptitude's didn't spark a "fight" per se, it was almost a pretty terrible weekend. Why wasn't it? Two reasons. First because I am not going to what happened last week happen ever again. Second, and most important, because my girlfriend loves me. She loves me more than anything in the world.

She could have turned around and gone home, could have yelled at me over the phone and kept me worrying all weekend about whether or not I had used my ninth life. She could have walked in my door and told me, "We need to take a break". But she didn't. She saw the pain and the sorrow and the repentance in my eyes and knew that I would never hurt her again. She loves me so much that she decided to stay, and help salvage the weekend.

I fucked up, I knew it and it hurt and frightened me almost as much as when I lost Nida (did I actually user her name???). I never want to feel that again, and we both know it. And we still managed to have a wonderful weekend, and for that there are no words to thank her. I guess I'll just have to buy her a tiara...
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On The Subject of Love [Sep. 12th, 2006|01:12 pm]
[mood |flirtyflirty]
[music |Simon and Garfunkel - Homeward Bound]

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
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A Bad Decision [Sep. 12th, 2006|12:50 pm]
[Current Location |Work]
[mood |hopefulhopeful]
[music |The Tossers]

I'm looking through my old postings to see how much I have changed. I seem to do that often. I kind of like the idea of knowing my self, the mistakes I've made, who I am and where I came from. The thing really hits me is that three years ago I knew that moving to Jersey was a good idea and that I wouldn't have the same oppertunities here that I had there. I also knew that if I moved back, I would stagnate. And look what I went and did...Good thing this is a mistake I can fix.
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(no subject) [Aug. 29th, 2006|09:38 am]
[mood |flirtyflirty]
[music |Led Zepplin- I Can't Quit You Baby]

Check - interesting. you would think this is a given. not necessarily. a year or so after the fact i realized rob wasnt interesting...
Check(I think...)- attractive
Check - under six feet. preferably about my height.
Check - nice/respectful of me
Check - funny. if you dont amuse me, you dont stand a chance.
Check - intelligent
Almost? - musically falls somewhere in the skapunkemohc ballpark. thats a pretty broad range. ska doesnt have to be his favorite, but he should at least like it.
Not at All - infinite knowledge of said music. this is what i concluded last night...im not attracted to a guy if i know more about music than him. i enjoy introducing people to bands, but i want him to be doing most of that. every guy i've been interested in since i was 15 actually meets this qualification. i never noticed.
Check - teasing is fine. know when to stop. its not okay to call me fat.
Almost - no videogames. no way, no how. maybe an oldschool nintendo, but thats IT. no reserving games. no stratedgy guides. sometimes its cute to compete...so maybe we can play a fighting game or something. but i should be the one wanting to play it, not him. which leads me to...
HA, no... - no nerd shit. no comic books, action figures, sci fi, models, computer speak, etc. lord of the rings, harry potter...i'm sorry, but that shit is lame. it doesnt cut it for me. thats when i stop listening; not listening = we have a problem.
Almost - able to recognize quotes i throw out there.
Check - willing to tolerate my anxiety, especially in social situations.
Check - open minded
Check - adventurous. willing to do random things like get on the parkway and just drive down to delaware or something, understanding that its not about where we're going, its the journey.
Check - does random thoughtful things. because i will too.
Check - affectionate
Nope - not religious/an athiest. something in the neighborhood of not caring.
Check - willing to do things I like, just bc I enjoy them...even if he doesnt. i'll definately do the same for him.
Check - gets along with my friends/willing to hang out with them
Check, well almost - brings me into his group of friends...but a little at a time. im not good at meeting too many people at once.
Check - up for debates/serious discussions
Check - likes going out AND staying in
Check - willing to work through fights and not give up/run away/hang up the phone
Check - no drugs
Check - doesnt lie/bullshit/wear masks.
Check - has direction in life

Bonus points:
Nope - blue eyes. they can be any color really, cause its more about what i see in them. but i have a thing with blue eyes.
Check - reads for fun. so hot.
Check (now) - loves ltj, asob, or the caddies.
Nope - good dancer. in terms of skanking, that is.
Check - doesnt smoke. i've dated/hooked up with smokers, but i'd prefer not to
Check - drinks, but nothing out of control. im not sxe. i dont want to be the only one drinking.
Check - loves psych
Check - enjoys bad music. i definately have my fair share of it. its cute if he does too.
Bah, so a no! - doesnt obsessively quote the simpsons or family guy. quoting songs requires little to no explanation. quoting shows usually involves a back story. it gets old quickly. i love both shows...dont kill them for me.

In conclusion, I'm going to die alone :)

Hmm, 28 out of 35.... Not bad if you ask me. And I started out with most of those!
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Almost a milestone [Aug. 28th, 2006|05:08 pm]
[mood |hopefulhopeful]

I was reading her old journal today. I really have too much free time at work. Or maybe I'm still just a slacker at heart. Anyway, I was reading her old journal today. I wanted to see how much about her I didnt really know before we got together. I wanted to see how much had changed from the time she wasnt mine, to the time that she was. Ya know what I found? Not much has changed. True, the nature of our relationship has changed, but who we are and how we feel hasn't changed all that much. She may love me in a different way now, but it's still love.

We're comming up on six months. Month seven will be the milestone for me. When we pass seven months it will be the longest relationship I've ever had. I dont think it will be so dramatic for her, she had one for three years. But for me it will mean a grea deal. It will mean that I have had someone in my life who loved me for me. Who would never hurt me, or leave when I needed them the most. Who would always stand by me.

It will mean that the hardships we've been through already have made us stronger. That the things that kept us apart wont be there for very much longer. That soon, we will get to be together and that we will be able to get through anything that comes our way.

I dont know why I'm feeling so...nostalgic? Romantic? Thoughtful? But what I do know is I love her! I love her more than anything, and I always have. She is everything I have ever wanted, and I thank God everyday for bringing her into my life.

No, the "honeymoon phase" isnt over. And I hope it never does end. And even if it does, I will never stop telling her every day that I love her, and she is the most wonderful thing to ever happen to me!
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Never Give Up [Aug. 11th, 2006|09:08 am]
I don't know why she hasn't given up on me. But I'm very glad she hasn't. I'm trying my hardest to be the best boyfriend ever, and she tells me I already am. But all I can see are my failings. I've been on the brink of losing everything more times this summer than I ever want to again, so I'm seeing just how tenuous the things in my life really are and the last thing I want to lose is her.

Thank you for loving me so much.
Thank you for seeing the best in me and looking past the bad.
Thank you for not giving up on me.
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So I dont suck so much [Jun. 23rd, 2006|11:42 am]
[mood |stressedstressed]
[music |Heatwave- Always and Forever]

Ok, I dont suck at my job so much, but I still hate my boss. He hasn't really done anything this week per se, but when he gets back next week I know he'll be completely useless and attempt to do nothing bu belittle me at every chance he gets. Most time's it's the playfull hazing that everyone gives and recieves in this office, but other times he's just being a pompus little tyrent.

I havent gotten anything I wanted to done this week, and I'm really pissed off about that. All I wanted to do was finish these videos, but that hasnt happened because I keep having to fix tech support problems for two different clients as well as update another.

I didnt get to relax at all this week and this weekend is going to bebusy because I know I'm going to hear a lot of shit at my second job for calling out last night. All I want to do is sleep in saturday, finish my treatment for "Death's Day Off", start working on the screen play and play video games untill it's time to walk to the bars.

7 days...thats what I have to keep teeling my self...7 days and I can actualy have a relaxing weekend...
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Why I Suck at My Job... [Jun. 19th, 2006|04:02 pm]
[mood |pissed offpissed off]
[music |Taking Back Sunday-MakeDamnSure]

Yet again, I'm posting here because no one from work will read this. Ok, I totally suck at my job! I thought I was getting a pretty good bead on things, but it seems that I have no clue what I'm doing! No, thats not true, I usualy have pretty good clue what I'm doing, but I alwauys seem to go and fuck something up to the point where it makes my superiors question why they hired me. What really grinds my gears is when my boss, if you could call him that, likes to ask me to do things and then not tell me why I'm doing them assuming we're on the same page. Then when I question him, he belittles me and says he expects me to be on the same page with him. Normaly I would brush that off and remind him that I'm not a mind reader, but most times it has to do with work, and I'm not alway sure if it's something rediculously simple that I should have learned with in the first week or something that's pretty tough that I'm not expected to know.

In this case it had to do with a client worth a lot of money and a problem that we should have fixed the first time! My damn boss told me to send something off and I'm not sure if he was fully aware of the facts. But "Mr. I'm-Always-Right" asked me to do it, and so I did thinking he may know something I don't. I'm not making that assumption ever again! All right, I dont feel like bitching about this anymore. Sufficed to say, I am never letting this happen again, and I out right refuse to let that little shit get my ass nailed to the wall over something that's not my fault!
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Not Suprising At All! [May. 17th, 2006|11:04 am]
[Current Location |Still at Mom and Dad's]
[music |Josh Dion Band - Take The Time]

You Are 30% American

America: You don't love it or want to leave it.
But you wouldn't mind giving it an extreme make over.
On the 4th of July, you'll fly a freak flag instead...
And give Uncle Sam a sucker punch!
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